A tale as old as time itself: people cheat. The public’s natural response is to reprimand the cheater and console the victim. As Whitney Houston famously put it, “It’s not right, but it’s okay.” But is it really, okay? After all, it’s what the catholic church would deem a cardinal sin. Yet somehow, celebrity cheaters, with good PR, can shake off their adulterous label, and move on. Often, leaving those who’ve been betrayed to clean up the mess alone.
On 19th December, 2024, Dr Lilly Jay wrote an essay for The Cut titled How Does My Divorce Make You Feel? in response to her ex-husband, Ethan Slater’s infamous infidelity with his Wicked co-star, Ariana Grande. Jay details the trauma of seeing her relationship with her high school sweetheart abruptly evaporate one day. She also discusses how this affected her career and her autonomy as someone who had hoped to live her life outside the public eye. But Jay’s story is just one of many untold narratives—the stories of those left behind in the wake of a celebrity’s cheating. In this essay, we finally hear from the woman scorned, not the celebrity perpetrator. Jay writes, “Days when I can’t escape the promotion of a movie associated with the saddest days of my life are darker.” Her story reflects the experience of many women—and, though statistically less so, men—who wake up one day to find their whole world, and everything they knew, crashing down around them.
This is a generally universal experience. One in five married people admit to cheating in one or more of their relationships. The key word here is "admit," as many instances go undetected. A staggering 64% of people in monogamous relationships confess to cheating on their spouses—more people cheat than don’t. The statistics don’t lie; people cheat, and people can be shitty. Though, if you’ve ever been out at a club in your hometown and consoled a crying girl in the bathroom, you probably already know this.
In the case of Slater and Grande, both parties were married, and Slater had a two-month-old baby who had been moved to another country with its mother, Dr Lilly Jay, to support his career. While this was scandalous, fast forward a year, and Ethan Slater is walking onto The Jennifer Hudson Show, with people on TikTok sharing edits of him saying “hear me out, but I get it Ari.” Career intact, and with one of the most famous singers in the world on his arm. I dare you to say he hasn’t come out on top. This is the part of Hollywood no one talks about— with good PR, cheating on your wife can actually help you get ahead.
That’s not to say that in all cases the cheater gets off scot-free. Scandoval, the infamous scandal that erupted on the reality TV series Vanderpump Rules, is a testament to the fact that the cheater doesn’t always have their cake and eat it too. Tom Sandoval and Ariana Madix were together for 10 years, a relationship many believed would last a lifetime. Then, played out on reality TV, news broke that Sandoval had been cheating with one of Madix’s closest friends, Rachel (Raquel) Leviss. Sandoval’s lack of empathy for the situation was exposed during the Vanderpump Rules season 11 reunion, and no amount of good press could shift the public’s perception. Had Sandoval had a better PR team, he might have emerged with a book deal, or his restaurant, Schwartz & Sandy’s, might not have closed down. Post-breakup, Ariana became the symbol of a woman wronged who thrived without her cheater, representing someone whose light had been dimmed by an insecure man. Ariana went on to land the role of Roxie Hart in Chicago on Broadway, became the host of Love Island USA, and appeared on Dancing with the Stars (sorry, Scheana!). Despite Ariana’s talent, the public response to Sandoval did give her career a boost. But only because he dug a proverbial hole that no PR team could get him out of.
In Hollywood, it’s common practice that if a relationship blossoms from an affair, all is forgiven. This mirrors reality, where cheating is deemed "not a waste" if the adulterer ends up in a long-term relationship with the person they had the affair with. It’s often portrayed as a romantic tale of two lovers kept apart by their respective spouses. @tellthebees on TikTok describes this as a WASPy (White, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant) tendency to sweep scandal under the rug, a practice deeply ingrained in American culture. He dubs it “American Cheating.”
Though the public may forgive, they never forget. Lauren Michele-Jackson writes for The New Yorker, “Celebrities have been chastised less for running people over.” This recalls Matthew Broderick’s tragic accident in Ireland, where he killed two people by driving on the wrong side of the road. Despite this, Broderick continued with his career, and his PR team portrayed him as the perfect family man. Then he cheated on Sarah Jessica Parker in 2008, which was truly scandalous. Though, when she stayed all was forgiven.
There are so many examples of cheating scandals that we almost forget, but they resurface when the couple or cheater does something “wrong” again. Take Ryan Reynolds, for instance, who allegedly cheated on Scarlett Johansson with Blake Lively. All was forgiven as Lively and Reynolds went on to have a picture-perfect relationship. However, as opinions on the couple and their seemingly fake kindness have shifted, these rumours are being talked about once again. We, as a society, view cheating as morally unjust, a thing that “bad” people do. But why then do so many of us do it?
In How Dare Celebrities Cheat? Jackson argues that the parasocial relationship between us and celebrities has gone too far. We take it personally when one of our favourite artists is cheated on (e.g., Sabrina Carpenter) and often launch online witch hunts against the cheater. While I agree that social media has made this persecution and bullying more accessible, I believe the angry mob mentality in cases of adultery has always existed. Do we not remember the "Team Aniston" T-shirts?
People cheat — we’ve made that explicitly clear, and they definitely always will. My advice to those who have been cheated on is to cut ties and move on while you still can, taking control of the narrative surrounding your story. Dr Lilly's essay has been widely praised, and with a two-month-old child involved, anyone with an ounce of empathy would be on her side. Some victims of cheating are blamed for their shortcomings, while others are over-victimised. Some cheaters are labelled as evil, heartless, or "love rats," while others are simply people in the wrong relationships who found the ones they loved. Celebrities don’t need to repent for their sins, in Hollywood, it all comes down to good PR.
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